Working Mothers Part…Something
Today, as I was rushing around getting ready this morning, M. told me to look over at the baby, who was happily entertaining herself before her morning bottle. I did and saw her reading. A book. Thats right. The librarians baby was reading herself a book. Everyone thinks their baby is an advanced genius who might save the world or become the next great humanitarian, and I am one of them. I thought since I was in education I could be somewhat more objective but it turns out I cant be. Shes brilliant. I watched in awe as she lifted the book to examine an illustration and thentried to eat it. Mouth working over time wondering why that orange fish wasnt fitting into her mouth. A reminder that she is still just a little one.
Mornings are the hardest part of our day, and the sweetest. Sweetest because SL is usually in a good mood, laughing and smiling and cooing up a storm. Hardest because Im running around like crazy pulling together everything so I can leave her for the whole day. Heart-wrenching doesnt begin to explain how hard it is to get me out the door and in my car and on my way to teach other peoples children. Because now Im a working mom, too, part of a statistic in the United States that has grown exponetiatlly since WWII.
Interestingly, my grandmother was a working mother. The older I get the more I realize how amazing she was. We were really close and Ill always treasure that relationship but on her own she was incredible. When I run into people who knew her now theyll usually mention something about how great she was. And at her funeral it was nothing but kind words and stories that told how unique she was, and what a special part of her town she was. My mother grew up in a tiny Northeastern North Carolina town, and my grandmother lived there until she was in her late 80s and it was time to move to assisted living.
She was trained as a nurse, as so many women were before and during WWII. What makes her unique is that she continued working as a nurse long after. Through 4 children and raising a family. I can remember her taking my blood pressure, and listening to her heartbeat through her stethoscope. I wanted to be a doctor for years and years and she encouraged that. She believed in the ability to be a working mom, to have it all. Even after having four children she continued to help deliver many more in the hospital she worked in. One thing I heard over and over when people talked about her was that they always remembered her running down the halls of the hospital- so eager to help the next patient coming in. But she always had plenty of time for her family. Once a woman I met said, You know your grandmother was the original working mother, right? It was uncommon at that point for most women to work outside the home once they married, much less had children. In a 1950s small town, it was almost unheard of. But she was never disrespected for it. It seems to me to be the opposite.
Now, as I go to work Monday through Friday, I try to find strength in my reasons for being a working mother. Because most of us dont have to do it. We could make other changes. Move to a smaller house, cut back on material possessions, there are other things. But Ithink the best change that could happen is not a family change, but a United States change. Until your country supports maternity leave, you spend a lot of time feeling like you arent contributing. For some reason I cant quite figure out, the United States is not very supportive of families. Its interesting because there seems to be a massive pro-life movement happening, but there is never much talk of what happens after a baby is born, and there is a lot of talk against helping support families. Women are given 6 federally mandated weeks after childbirth, but those dont have to be paid, and the job doesnt have to be held for any length of time. We are the only developed country in the world that doesnt offer some sort of paid maternity leave, or at least time. I noticed that most developed countries offer 25-50% salary but more importantly they offer time. Sometimes as much as a year or eighteen months.
I was reading this the other day (biased, I know, but interesting) :
and I had the thought: Why doesnt the US look into this ? Whats stopping us from trying to improve our families. To improve parent child relationships, support women who decide to have children mid-career by providing somewhere for them to return to, by giving them enough time that they had recovered from the physical and emotional stresses of having a baby, and following up with a little extra support for a while once they returned. Because, lets face it, having a baby changes everything (thanks for harping on this, Johnson & Johnson). I wonder if it might, instead of being a waste of resources, produce a better employee. One who isnt so worried, one who isnt so tired all the time (remember those nights in your early 20s when you would party until 4 and still make it into work? Yeah, think of doing that every single night except you are much, much older. And you dont even have any really great stories to tell about it.) and one who isnt torn about where to be. It might be an experiment to consider.
I like to think Im making my grandmother proud by going back to work, by somehow making it through each day a little sleep deprived but mostly happy. I like to think that I am setting an example for my daughter, that if she chooses motherhood and a career, she can do both- maybe not perfectly all the time, but pretty well most of the time. I like to think Im choosing to put my education to work, and I know I am not quite ready to put that on the back burner, not yet. I love my job and the kids I work with and the people I work with. But I also have to admit that I LOVE Friday afternoons, going home and knowing that the next 48 are all about a baby who may or may not sleep. Ill try to think of it as an amazing party when were up at 3 a.m.
