My Friend Has Died.
My friend died. Those are words I struggle to say. I havent lost a friend in a long time, and when I found out on Thursday night what happened, the words stuck in my throat. When I checked my email and saw there was one from a sorority sister I hadnt heard from in a long time, titled, Prayers for the Sanford family I wasnt expecting to read that Courtney had died that morning. And at first, it just didnt make sense. A FB post from her had popped up in my feed that day. The happy song makes me HAPPY. It was posted one minute before she crossed the I-85 Business median and collided head on with a truck. The wreck blocked half of the highway for 3 hours. I saw the wreckage. I went online and looked at the photographs even though they say you shouldnt do that. And she wasnt in any of them. So, see, no one was driving the car therefore she wasnt dead. I raced downstairs to show my husband, and say, Could someone have survived that? while he shook his head and said, Why are you looking at those?
Because I cant not look. I am a person of statistics. I am a person who relies on evidence when terrible things happen to those I love. But for some reason even seeing it did not help any. A car, literally torn apart on the side of a highway. It was a few minutes later I made the connection between her wreck and what she was doing right before. The Facebook post that was posted at around 8:30, and the wreck that happened at 8:34. She was driving while on Facebook. When this floated out into the world of social media and the interwebs, criticism flew all over the place. And at first I was one of them. What was she thinking? Why on earth would she be Facebooking while driving? But then it hit me. I am just as guilty as she is.
Not of facebooking, because it never occurred to me to ever do something involving social media while driving, but definitely of using my phone for other things. How many times have I just not felt like pulling over to type an address into maps, or heard the insistent ping of a text coming in and glanced at my phone to see who it was from? How many times have I loaded my email while sitting at a light? And how many others are doing that exact same thing right now?
Truthfully, it doesnt matter which program we are on or what we are doing with our phones while we are driving. Because we are driving and that is where our focus should be. So why isnt it? Why do we consider ourselves to be above something as simple as waiting until were in a safe place before texting or calling or posting a status on Facebook? Its obviously a generational problem but its one that ironically is getting worse instead of better. There are plenty of cases in which people have died as the result of using the phone while driving. States have banned phones. But for some reason when it comes down to it, we all seem to believe that we are above it. That we are special and will use the phone so much better than the person down the road. That we can do it and make it. And truthfully more often than not we probably will. But texting and facebooking and checking email while driving will eventually end in tragedy. Im thinking now that even talking on the phone while driving will end in tragedy.
It also reminded me of the most formative part of my college experience. When I pledged ADPi I had no idea that it truly would be for life. Some of my best friends have come from the sorority years and every time I see an ADPi sticker, I smile and remember so many good times. There were times at formals and mixers, but the best times were had on the hall, being ridiculous, staying up way too late, analyzing phone conversations and complaining about how exams were getting in the way of our time together. We traveled together, we worked out together, we ate together, we laughed together, we cried together. I am grateful to have those memories to lean on and I am grateful to remember Courtney as the MOST fun. Sororities are so much more than the naked pillow fights that guys dream of.
Maybe were just lucky every time we pick up the phone to do anything while we are in charge of a large chunk of metal and dont wreck it. One of the tenets of Buddhism is doing things deliberately. Which would mean when we are driving we are driving. I just keep playing the facts over and over in my mind. That she woke up that morning, went to the gym as usual, got in the car, probably hit Starbucks, most likely was thinking about upcoming exams as she turned on the radio and then heard something that made her feel better. Im a car dancer so Im all about a song that will help alleviate the stress of what is to come during the day. And then, for whatever reason she couldnt wait to express her feelings through Facebook. Which is where we would have split. I would have made a different choice. And this is what has altered all of our lives. A star has been born, and the world has lost a sweet spirit.
Today, as I finish writing this post, her service is only a few hours away. I am unable to go, but know that so many of my sisters will be there, and I know that we are all there in spirit. My pin is on in honor of her, and my heart sings Meadows. We Live For Each Other.
