Hmmm…it seems to be a monthly thing?
So I just checked on the last blog post I wrote and- GASP!- it was over a month ago. I’m pulling the new mom card as I write this, and also want to point out that it is almost 3 on a Monday and I have yet to take a shower. It is one of those days. Baby Girl is not feeling well, which means I’m not feeling well either. Since if she doesn’t sleep, nobody sleeps. But that’s not what the focus of this post is. The focus of this post is a recap of all that I thought I would get done during maternity leave and to let y’all know how that went….
1. Unpacking boxes: We moved when she was 1.5 weeks old. Enough said. Lesson learned- don’t purchase a house shortly before your baby is born. Really. As I write this in our “office” (read: Junk Room, I can see around me roughly 15 boxes. The good news is they are getting unpacked, albeit slowly. Very, very slowly. And I almost daily groan/sigh and say “Why can’t I find —-? Where is it?” which is when Matt points out there are more boxes in the mini-storage. Yikes.
2. Cultural things: I imagined myself and this sweet, sleepy baby, perusing the Art Museum on a regular basis, cruising through down town History Museum, going to story time at the library. Maybe catching an art film on a slow Thursday. Yes, really. I thought we’d be hanging out at the art museum. Um, yeah…. not so much. Instead I read about other people doing those things. The most culture this child has gotten is the NC Aquarium, and she slept through the river otters (but woke up to briefly admire the sea turtle hatchlings!)
3. Reevaluating my life: I knew we would be spending a lot of time at home, and just imagine that time would be spent taking care of the baby (obviously) but then I would also be journaling, working on financial stuff, organizing papers and writing…. since this is my second blogpost all summer, you can tell how that went.
Now, on to what maternity leave actually WAS:
1. Taking care of a person: I mean, 24/7 taking care of a person. Sacrificing everything from normal mealtimes to Hopscotch 2013, skipping things I normally do (like running, swimming, having an adult conversation) and just taking care of teeny person who has a very limited means to communicate. This is a tactful way of saying she screams until we figure out what she wants. Or sometimes she just screams because life outside the womb isn’t easy.
2. Reconnecting with friends: Since I was nursing in my home pretty much all day, every day, anyone could drop by to hang out with me. One of my really close friends was unemployed this summer, giving us both ample time to laugh about those suckers who were gainfully employed. Not really, but that should have been on the list.
3. Realizing how much bigger than myself the capacity to love is (here is where it gets sappy): When people say you have no idea unless you have a baby, you have no idea unless you have a baby. I remember marveling at my growing belly and thinking about how weird it was that a human was in there. When she arrived, we looked at each other- me excited, her cautious since she had just been traumatized. Every day when I look at her I feel a little more love for her, and the excitement over her accomplishments is exponential (you SMILED! you blew a BUBBLE! You grabbed your FOOT! all said in a high pitched baby voice)
4. Becoming a capable adult: While I can no longer guarantee my ability to get anywhere at a given time, fold laundry, or answer my phone, I can say that I am more than ready to jump up when she stares into the camera from her crib (LE SIGH She has just started doing that), can get a baby dressed in a reasonable amount of time (go ahead, laugh and then Try It, friends) and make her smile.
5. Doctor Visits- it’s a whole other post I’m working on.
So, as I enter my last week of maternity leave, I’m bittersweet. Excited about seeing my students again, and learning about how their fall is going, not excited about leaving my own baby. I’m scared of missing things- rolling over on purpose, saying her first word, laughing. But I’m also hopeful, knowing that she will do those things for us, and knowing that we will be here every afternoon, knowing that she is in wonderful hands and being loved while I’m working.
What I’m taking away from this time is that it really is only about taking care of my baby. It’s not about anything else, and when we try to dedicate our time to other things and having a newborn, we end up frustrated and exhausted. Once I let go of the other stuff, I was able to see that I had this amazing opportunity to be with my baby all the time, to feed her every whim, to have an excuse to just sit and not move because I had the baby sleeping on me. Everything else that is going on has taken a backseat. Fortunately, that’s the way it’s supposed to be.
If you’re thinking about what your maternity leave is going to look like, try this: Look in the mirror every day to make sure you don’t look like a serial killer. Set up a nursing station as if you may never leave that chair/sofa/rocker (and some days you might not). Stretch often, like everytime you’re not holding a baby. Get some Fresh Air. And know this is the most precious and fleeting time in your life that you will ever experience.
