Freedom of Choice
Yesterday was sort of enlightening. I say sort of because nothing necessarily happened that should have enlightened me but the more I think about it, the more I think about what its going to be like to be in charge of a small child. My kindergarten class came in yesterday morning eager to meet their guest reader, a high school senior. She took it upon herself to ask if some of the seniors could come read to the younger grades, which I am all in support of. Its great for both parties- my little ones get to hear someone besides me for a bit, and its great for 18 year olds to perform the art of negotiating with five year olds. So she came in and did a fantastic job, reading one of her favorite books, D.W. the Picky Eater (Marc Brown). In case youre not familiar with your childrens lit, D.W. is the little sister of Arthur the Aardvark. Shes kind of a pain but usually things work out in her favor. Personally I love the Marc Brown books. They cover everything from puppies to loose teeth to glasses. Anyway, she read D.W. and it was delightful and the kids loved it, and thenshe opened the door to conversation. Kindergarteners are awesome at conversing. They can talk to you for HOURS about ANYTHING. When you ask them a question they start answering even if theyre not clear about what you asked. So this sweet girl asked them to name their favorite foods and immediately everyone began calling out all sorts of things, fruit, spaghetti, macaroni and cheese and.fish and onions. Which sort of stopped everyone in their tracks as they stared at the girl who had shared this. Fish and onions? What was that about? Not that its bad- in fact, it actually sounded really healthy, but coming from a five year old an interesting choice. What was more normal was the kid who said he loved sugar, except for potato sugar, which we went around and around about until I realized he meant sweet potatoes. Jump forward eight hours. Im at a public school in Durham, working with Junior League supporting a childcare program. Parents sign up for about 12 weeks of seminar style classes that aim to help support them and work with them on becoming great parents. Most of the parents are young, inexperienced, and definitely doing the best they can but overworked, overburdened with children and their needs, and having a hard time. So each week they come to this program, their kids are taken care of, dinner is served, and they learn about discipline, how to help their kids with homework, dealing with teachers and other necessities in their lives. Very different from the private school I came from where parents are always available and around, and if someone is struggling, there are tutors out there. We were doing a session on nutrition and while this was a coincidence it was a great one. It gave me a chance to see both sides of the coin, so to speak. We went around to each kids and while the favorite foods were pretty much the same- lasagna, chicken nuggets, French fries- looking at them I could see that this was their standard fare. With my students I have a feeling they are getting healthy meals 90% of the time with the occasional treat. With these kids I have a feeling they are getting fast food 80% of the time with the occasional piece of fruit. It seems wrong to give them the message that they should be filling their bodies with fruits and vegetables and healthy proteins and legumes, then not pushing harder for better school lunches, for more support for parents who dont know how to feed their kids. Last week people in NYC flipped out when the mayor suggested that maybe we shouldnt even serve large, sugary drinks. People screamed about the freedom of choice, but is it? If you go into a grocery store and compare the price of a 2 liter of soda with a gallon of milk, the soda will be cheaper. For many families, thats it, right there, especially if parents are working multiple jobs and need the caffeine boost, and if the kids love it when they get soda (just writing this makes me want a Coke). Freedom of choice: the choice to inhale lots of junk food and sugar, become overweight or even obese, develop the health problems which INEVITABLY go with that ( I say inevitably because theres no way around it- if you are overweight you cant avoid problems). Then, we want our insurance to cover us. To cover our diabetes medication, our hospital stays when we have kidney stones, our knee surgery, our extra colds and flus. So this freedom of choice comes with a high price tag. My question is, is it worth it? Continue reading. For an hour we sat with these kids, two out of six who already were very overweight, and several who admitted they had already had cavities. We sat playing games and doing word searches that snuck in nutrition facts and trivia. But what I thought about as I was driving home was if we had even made a dent in what they already have in their lives and their heads. Are they going to share what they learned with their families? And most importantly, are their families going to care? Will they notice that their kids can tell them why a tomato is a fruit, or what percentage of the body is made up of water? When we think about the impact we make on our children, how often do we think about the time spent making that impact? With students, I have two semesters and get to see them every week. With the kids I volunteer with, I see them for a few weeks at a time, then never again. Theyll go home and maybe their home is fairly healthy, but more likely in a low-income area like that, its not. Their parents are making their food choices for them, and also inadvertently making their health choices. Freedom of choice: shouldn’t they have the option of a healthier lifestyle? On the other hand, I already know that my kid will have limited choices- it’s a healthy lifestyle, period. If things go well, that kid will be running, tumbling, and only eating cupcakes occasionally. But does that mean I’m taking away the freedom of choice? Or giving more freedom through good health?
I think an important part of parenting is learning when and which choices to give. When they are young, we teach them healthy habits and say, though our words and behaviors, "This is how to be strong and successful." When they are ready, we give them one choice, and we reward them for the healthy choice. When they are ready, we give another choice, then two, but by then, they've already learned the benefits of the healthy choices. When kids are exposed early to things that are honest, true, healthy, and good, they often reject the bad and unhealthy choices later because they recognize the inherent value in the first and the pain or emptiness (as in unhealthy food and harmful behaviors)in the latter. I think there is danger in giving too many choices, too early. There is also a danger in giving thoughtless choices (at first, I will give Fe the choice between her favorite fruit and a cupcake, not her least favorite veggie and a cupcake or between a cookie and cupcake…) We must balance giving children the independence they desire with the structure and protection they need. You already do this, though, everyday at work. It is an easy adaption at home with a baby you know and love and watch grow from the beginning. 🙂