DEVESTATED

It was difficult to hear at lunch, that there had been a shooting in Connecticut. A school shooting is never easy to hear about. I remember exactly where I was when Columbine occurred- sitting at my kitchen table, when the program I was watching was interuppted- I happened to be home sick that day. We talked about it for ages at school, so confused about how it had happened, what had made those boys march into a school and open fire, sometimes on people they didn’t even know. We had counselors who came in to talk to us about what to look for in someone who was about to go crazy, that we were to report anyone who mentioned killing someone, or killing themselves. And this was a tiny private girls school. Then there was another school shooting, and another. People talked about an “epidemic”, people questioned video games, parents, teachers, lack of support. We nodded our heads, agreeing with it all. But we can’t really grasp the horror. A few weeks ago, we had a lockdown drill. Lockdown drills happen every year, in the event someone comes in that isn’t supposed to with the goal of harming students/staff. I have only participated in one actual lockdown, which was a Code Yellow, meaning a community problem, meaning we couldn’t go outside pretty much but were able to carry on a normal school day. During a lockdown drill, all students and people who are in my room crowd into my office, with blinds drawn, glass in front of door covered, doors locked, cards out to let swat team know we are safe. we sit on the floor, waiting, as quietly as possible. I have had 2 lockdown drills- one with a group of 5th graders (who were excited because the office is where we also keep the DVD collection) and then with a group of kindergarteners. The worst part of a lockdown drill is explaining why we are sitting in a dark room without talking for as long as they need us to be. With 5th graders, they are fully aware that there are lots of bad things in the world, and bad people, and most of them have even heard of Columbine. But with little ones, it’s worse, because they can’t wrap their heads around anyone not following rules. I tend to agree. I’m constantly telling my students- be kind, be generous, think about how what you say and do affects others. The rules were completely thrown out the window today, in the most heart wrenching event I’ve heard of. We cried as we were told there had been a school shooting- at an elementary school. That students were dead. Elementary students were dead. Then the numbers started coming in, and they were even more horrific. It made me think of the Egyptian school bus bombing from a few weeks ago. I had the same thought- why would you do this to children? To me, the worst part about facing this next week, is that surviving children who made it out but witnessed it- will they be able to walk back into that building? Will they be able to continue their education without fear that someone will walk into their classroom and try to take them out? And for adults…I just keep thinking that if you are angry with someone, and really can’t take it, WHY do you have to have SO MANY PEOPLE involved in your personal drama? What makes your life so much more important than someone else’s life? I am still trying to process how on earth this would happen. Hug your babies close. Pray for peace. And hope that we once again don’t take away part of their childhoods.