Birthday Parties and Family Strife

My nieces are turning 4 next weekend. Every year since their birth, so for the last four years, my half-brother and his wife have thrown them huge parties, inviting the whole family and going somewhere like the Little Gym or waterparks to celebrate. My half-brothers.

I spent a lot of time pretending they were my real brothers when I was little. Our relationship was fine when they were around, which was not a lot since they are much older than my younger brother and me. It wasn’t until a few years ago that something changed. It could have started with a wedding. Their real mother was invited, after not speaking to her son for six years. It seemed like a good idea at the time. He had apparently forgiven her for her wrongs, he and his wife were beginning their own journey, etc, etc. It was the first or second time I had ever met her ( the first time I think being when he graduated from college).

Fast forward nearly a decade and everything has changed. Since I have become an adult our relationship has become shadier and shadier. It started with small things- they would skip sending me birthday cards or even calling or emailing. Then they skipped my college graduation and the party that followed. Then they had babies. I was so excited about being an aunt. I love kids and hte idea of having little people to hang out with and guide, the way my own aunt guided me, sounded fabulous. Especially since I’m on the fence about having children of my own, it seemed perfect to have children that would be in my life on a regular basis.

Or not. Since the birth of my nieces and nephew there has been a falling out between them and my parents. Noone is really sure of the reason, but they barely speak to our dad, and never to us or my mother (their stepmom). I was devestated at first. Seeing the twins and my nephew once every other year is awful. Especially since they live in the state of NC. It would be easy enough to drive down and see them. Except that normally I’m not invited.

Until today. When I received an email from my sister in law that said the girls were having a birthday party at 1 p.m. and I could come if I wanted. She was sorry but had not ordered enough invitations. It was three lines, total. The subject was “BD”. I had no idea what “BD” stood for until I opened the email. Unfortunately I had already assumed I wasn’t invited and made other plans for that weekend. Unfortunately I’m not important enough to receive an actual invitation.

It’s crazy to me that this is going on and has gone on for so long. It seems ridiculous to not want to be close to your siblings. I used to pray and pray that somewhere along the line they would realize how stupid this was and contact me. I tried to establish something with them and it didn’t work. It was actually almost more of a letdown to receive that two line email, not asking about anything or offering any extra information. I wonder if they are even aware of how selfish they are being. I told someone I wouldn’t mind so much if they had just explained. Had just said why they didn’t want a relationship with us.

So, if you’re a sibling. If you have a sister or a brother and you’re close, you should shoot them an email or a text or a phone call today. Just to let them know that you’re grateful they are there, that you’re grateful they are a part of your life. If you’re not close, do you know why? It’s not such a huge deal, but I always want to know why.