Art of Good Intention

Enough said. Really. I have spent the last few weeks sending out cover letters and resumes, setting up phone and in-person interviews. Sitting in front of panels listening as they explained what my job would be and asked me questions about everything from what I would do if a student removed all the balls from each mouse in the computer lab, if the county I worked in withdrew all funding, or how I would work a children’s program for high risk kids. I have received offers and feel fortunate that a few places think I would be a good fit for their library.

Finally, out of eight interviews, one interviewer asked me why I would be the best fit for their library, and why they should choose me. I wish it were obvious what was going on in my head. I am a good fit because I am young but not too young, I have fresh ideas, but I’m thrilled to be learning from those with more experience than me. I am a good fit because once I dug up a rare article on Colombian guerrillas written in Spanish, found a translation into English in the Netherlands, and got it to the patron who needed it for his dissertation. I am a good fit because the patrons needs come first. I am a good fit because I will stay after hours to answer questions for the next day, because I firmly believe there is a book for every reader. I am a good fit for childrens services because I never pass a lemonade stand without buying something, because I do voices in storytelling, and because I listen to their ideas and try to use them. It’s their library too.

I never thought it would be this hard. I never imagined I would be going on interview after interview for jobs that pay barely enough to scrape by and involve public service. I thought that libraries would want me. I thought they would see me and realize I am a good fit because of who I am, because of what I believe, because I am patient and because I believe in giving more than I receive. I thought it would be evident when I walked into a school or library that I belong there. That I have been groomed to be a librarian since I was a kid, cataloging books in third grade, setting up personal libraries my whole life, organizing based on genre, then alphabetically by author. I thought it would be evident that I was born for this, that my professor who said he thought librarians may be genetically formed was right.

Trying to figure out where to go from here, and what to do if a job doesn’t come through is a frightening prospect. Starting from scratch. I am writing as much as I can, but know that things won’t be ready for a few more months. Who on earth takes away a librarian’s right to a library?

So y’all probably think I am insane. I ran 26.2 on hilly, rocky, roots everywhere terrain with named hills like “The Wheels Fall off” and “Devil’s Spine”. That was the 6th annual running of the Umstead Marathon. It’s not a qualifier because it generally takes even elite runners more time to get through the hiking trails and up and down never-ending hills. And this was my first marathon.

Prior to running a marathon I never considered myself a runner. An athlete, yes, but I only ran if it was after a ball (soccer and field hockey), someone was chasing me (soccer, field hockey, tag) or it started raining when I was on a walk. It just didn’t really interest me that much. Then, when I got into triathlons I began running a very minimal amount. Everything was in 5k races, so I only had to go 3.1 miles. the first time I ran that far without stopping I definitely felt it. Now I think of that has a mere jog in the park.

I started training for this in November, and dedicated 18 weeks to building up stamina and speed, sticking on cross training and weight training, adjusting my diet to compensate for long workouts (like 8 miles + strength training) and then, on Saturday morning at 6 a.m. on 3/7/09, I was up and trying to determine if I was really ready for this. They say when you start tapering is when you start doubting your own ability to physically accomplish this and that was the truth. Never in my life have i wanted to run as much as I did during those two weeks. I had stopped drinking caffeine and alcohol and yet I was as jittery as if I were downing several large pots a day. I would run five or six miles and feel like I should be doing 10. It was crazy.

So Saturday morning at 7 a.m. found me watching sunrise in Umstead Park. This was the great part. Even though I was chilly (was wearing a sleeveless top in preparation for temps in the mid-70s). My last long run had literally been in the snow so I was drinking mroe water than normal, knowing that I would dehydrate faster than if I had been training in warm weather all along.

At 8:58 a guy finally called out “Hey, y’all, looks like we’re set to start in-” (here he looked down at his wrist)- “two minutes! Should they get up by the start line?” he asked a coordinator, who nodded. “Get near the line!”

At 9 a.m., they yelled go and we were off. Definitely the most casual race I have ever been in. there were no timing chips, no fancy signs everywhere, just a single banner that said finish, a cabin full of food for later, and people heading out on mountain bikes to support us, our numbers carefully safety pinned to the front of our shirts. I had gel packs tucked into the convenient zip pocket on the front of mine. 🙂

It wasn’t until about Mile 10 or 11 that I really began to question the higher purpose of running this marathon. What was I trying to gain? Insight into my life? Better procrastination techniques in regards to my master’s paper? Some kind of Buddhist revelation that would forever change how I saw my fellow man? It was all kinds of complicated. And ridiculous. And I kept on going.

I think that what makes a marathon great. Is that you are given this opportunity to push your body far beyond what you would consider normal limits. I ran until I could run no more and then i kept running. And when I finished I was literally delirious from the moment of having accomplished something that people strive to do, of having dedicated myself to long runs and early weekend nights, and occasionally running in the dark or the rain or snow or whatever it took to get in mileage for the week. I ran when I was on vacation, when I was at friend’s houses, when i went home for Christmas. I ran and ran and trained and trained and did it for this. For this morning and early afternoon of proving to myself that I could do something amazing.

since I talked about things that made me laugh. While walking, riding, driving, eavesdropping, you name it. So that’s what I’m using today’s blog for.

1) American Idol auditions- they started last week, and I can’t stop laughing. Or simply sitting in stunned silence. Ever. Even though I think that sometimes I wish I were talented enough to audition. But do I know enough covers? I thought about what I sing currently: “Mexico” by Jump Little Children, “Love Song” by Sara Bareilles, “Seventeen Forever” by Metro Station, “Loser” by Beck, “Great Salt Lake”, Band of Horses, “Everything is Okay” by the Everybodyfields, “High Voltage”, Electric Six. I can imagine the response I would get to any of those. “Darling, you have a very….. sweet? temperament, but really, you sound like a hippopotamus drowing”.

2) The “Failed Stripper” video on YouTube. If you haven’t seen it, watch it. right now. I don’t even care if you finish reading this blog about nothing. I tried to post it here, but i’m not sure where it went. Fortunately, you can type in “fail” in Youtube and pull it right up.

3) Nigel and Lucy. As destructive as they can be, I love those little varmints. Like Nigel hiding my hair things in a secret place, and how much I scared them dancing around the house the other night. And their “tackle game” which I may have to video.

4) Whoever it was G105 interviewed this morning (Fri Jan 23) that freely admitted a) she had smoked crack only “twonce” (which I found an interesting vocabulary word) and b) she wasn’t as bad as “Trey”, who had 3 DUIs before he was 22, and once at a stoplight on Hillsborough Street got out of the car and passed out in the middle of the street, then got out of his ticket because his lawyer claimed he had been bitten by a spider? I was in tears. Seriously.

5) Grandma’s high school texts. I had no idea she was so wild.

6) The guy at the Clemson-UNC game who imitated everything the dance team did.

7) The old lady in my neighborhood who only drives in the middle of the street. She wears a fur hat, drives an older Mercedes, and will move over when another car is coming, but then heads right back into the middle. I have now witnessed this 4 times.

8) Kendra’s new stories from being a school librarian. “My name is Laquisha, but I prefer Danielle.”

9) www.overheardinny.com

Suit, tapping singing girl on the shoulder: You sing wonderfully.
Girl: Thank you very much.
Suit:
Yeah, by “wonderfully” I mean it sounds like a cat getting ass raped by
a donkey. So I am sure that everyone else would appreciate you not
doing that anymore as it is only 6 am.
(passengers clap)

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal

10) “News of the Weird” in the Independent. Who names their kid Dalcappone Alpaccino and is then surprised when he is arrested for possession of cocaine??