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Laundry, Laundry, Motherhood, Coffee, Coffee, Laundry.

Recent Posts

Want to Stop Politicizing Women? Start Paying Us.

Today a bill will hit the floor aimed at forcing transparency in companies when it comes to salaries. Currently, according to Working Mother magazine, 68% of married women work outside the home and 75% of unmarried, separated or divorced women do. That’s a lot of women […]

North Carolina Literary Festival

So in my fantasy world I’m a published author. If you’ve known me for a long time, you know that occasionally I work on different writing projects, but you also know that clearly I’m not published. Otherwise I would be screaming about it at the […]

Our Social Calendar is Filling Up Again

                Good news, yall. Our social calendar is finally filling up again. After months of wondering what we would do with the death of our social lives, we are finally being reintroduced to society. But if youre thinking it involves margaritas and a late hour, you are mistaken. It now involves high chairs and sippy cups. We are finally being welcomed into the world of baby socialdom.  For you who think its a joking matter, think again.
                For a while I worried that SL would not get enough social interaction, since she is at home with a sitter during the day and not with me. I was concerned about the detrimental effect on her long term development and every time she kissed a photograph of a baby worried that she wouldnt know what to do with the real thing. This is why we started going to Baby Story Time. Baby Story Time is, to put it lightly, magical. We sit in a circle with our babies for about 20 minutes and then sing, play little lap games, and finally the librarian reads a story. Did I mention there are bubbles?  And while story time itself is awesome what is really great is what happens afterwards. Getting to speak with other parents. Watching your baby crawl (okay, attempt to crawl) and touch other babies. So thats step 1 of our social reentry. I consider them sort of like Junior League meetings. You get through the business part so you can get down to the BUSINESS part- in this case, minus the wine.  Though I may suggest we change that.
                Next, there are the birthday parties. I remember going to SO. MANY. PARTIES. When I was a kid. I feel like every weekend there was a party for someone, and we always got cake and an awesome goody bag.  My favorites were the Lisa Frank themed ones, but I am a product of the 80s.  Its hard to believe that a) its my little girls turn. And b) Im becoming that person.  Sorry, you wanted to meet for brunch on Saturday? Weve got Kinder music.  The 18th? Well be at the park. Its a different way of life, one in which I ache for events that are over by 5 so we dont have to mess with the Bedtime Routine, and I coordinate things to happen around SLs theoretical naptimes.
                Then, there are the playdates. Playdates can take place in a variety of locations and work around both your work schedule and babys nap schedules.  As our friends give birth they seem to be a little more prevalent, but currently are few and far in between. What it means to me is adult conversation and I now TREASURE adult conversation. Even if it is about how many diapers one goes through, or wondering if your baby is always going to be SO OBSESSED with cords and outlets.

                Every neurotic mom (are we all neurotic? Maybe) worries about her childs social skills. Worries that weve overexposed them to screen time (she cant take her eyes away from the glow), underexposed them to conversation (do we use baby voice or adult speaking voice?), and somehow affected their developmental growth (What if taking away that talking puppy stunts her IQ? What if taking away the talking puppy increases her IQ?  Why am I questioning her IQ?).   And being invited to things brings a sigh of relief that there is some normalcy in your life. That your kid will be fine, and that you wont turn into the mom who brings carrot sticks to munch on instead of birthday cake (though it is tempting to become that person). I would love to delve deeper into this topic with you, but SL has an invitation I have to respond to. 

So Much More than a Late Night Crashpad

    Becoming a parent has meant having to accept certain “situations”. Like, one glass of wine with dinner instead of a margarita (apparently babies frown upon hard liquor, or maybe adults do). And when a friend asks you to a movie, you can only […]

Snow Days in the South

    Snow days in the South are perfection.Because they happen so rarely we treat them as the glorious gifts they are. Snow days mean pulling out rusty sleds, checking the supply of marshmallows, and cleaning the grocery stores out of milk and bread, though […]

Working Mothers Part…Something

Today, as I was rushing around getting ready this morning,  M. told me to look over at the baby, who was happily entertaining herself before her morning bottle. I did and saw her reading. A book. Thats right. The librarians baby was reading herself a book. Everyone thinks their baby is an advanced genius who might save the world or become the next great humanitarian, and I am one of them. I thought since I was in education I could be somewhat more objective but it turns out I cant be. Shes brilliant. I watched in awe as she lifted the book to examine an illustration and thentried to eat it. Mouth working over time wondering why that orange fish wasnt fitting into her mouth.  A reminder that she is still just a little one.
Mornings are the hardest part of our day, and the sweetest. Sweetest because SL is usually in a good mood, laughing and smiling and cooing up a storm.  Hardest because Im running around like crazy pulling together everything so I can leave her for the whole day. Heart-wrenching doesnt begin to explain how hard it is to get me out the door and in my car and on my way to teach other peoples children. Because now Im a working mom, too, part of a statistic in the United States that has grown exponetiatlly since WWII.
Interestingly, my grandmother was a working mother. The older I get the more I realize how amazing she was.  We were really close and Ill always treasure that relationship but on her own she was incredible. When I run into people who knew her now theyll usually mention something about how great she was. And at her funeral it was nothing but kind words and stories that told how unique she was, and what a special part of her town she was. My mother grew up in a tiny Northeastern North Carolina town, and my grandmother lived there until she was in her late 80s and it was time to move to assisted living.
She was trained as a nurse, as so many women were before and during WWII. What makes her unique is that she continued working as a nurse long after. Through 4 children and raising a family.  I can remember her taking my blood pressure, and listening to her heartbeat through her stethoscope.  I wanted to be a doctor for years and years and she encouraged that. She believed in the ability to be a working mom, to have it all. Even after having four children she continued to help deliver many more in the hospital she worked in. One thing I heard over and over when people talked about her was that they always remembered her running down the halls of the hospital- so eager to help the next patient coming in.  But she always had plenty of time for her family. Once a woman I met said, You know your grandmother was the original working mother, right? It was uncommon at that point for most women to work outside the home once they married, much less had children. In a 1950s small town, it was almost unheard of. But she was never disrespected for it. It seems to me to be the opposite.
Now, as I go to work Monday through Friday, I try to find strength in my reasons for being a working mother. Because most of us dont have to do it. We could make other changes. Move to a smaller  house, cut back on material possessions, there are other things. But Ithink the best change that could happen is not a family change, but a United States change. Until your country supports maternity leave, you spend a lot of time feeling like you arent contributing. For some reason I cant quite figure out, the United States is not very supportive of families.  Its interesting because there seems to be a massive pro-life movement happening, but there is never much talk of what happens after a baby is born, and there is a lot of talk against helping support families. Women are given 6 federally mandated weeks after childbirth, but those dont have to be paid, and the job doesnt have to be held for any length of time.  We are the only developed country in the world that doesnt offer some sort of paid maternity leave, or at least time. I noticed that most developed countries offer 25-50% salary but more importantly they offer time. Sometimes as much as a year or eighteen months.
      I was reading this the other day (biased, I know, but interesting) :
and I had the thought: Why doesnt the US look into this ? Whats stopping us from trying to improve our families. To improve parent child relationships, support women who decide to have children mid-career by providing somewhere for them to return to, by giving them enough time that they had recovered from the physical and emotional stresses of having a baby, and following up with a little extra support for a while once they returned. Because, lets face it, having a baby changes everything (thanks for harping on this, Johnson & Johnson). I wonder if it might, instead of being a waste  of resources, produce a better employee. One who isnt so worried, one who isnt so tired all the time (remember those nights in your early 20s when you would party until 4 and still make it into work? Yeah, think of doing that every single night except you are much, much older. And you dont even have any really great stories to tell about it.) and one who isnt torn about where to be.  It might be an experiment to consider.

     I like to think Im making my grandmother proud by going back to work, by somehow making it through each day a little sleep deprived but mostly happy.  I like to think that I am setting an example for my daughter, that if she chooses motherhood and a career, she can do both- maybe not perfectly all the time, but pretty well most of the time. I like to think Im choosing to put my education to work, and I know I am not quite ready to put that on the back burner, not yet.   I love  my job and the kids I work with and the people I work with. But I also have to admit that I LOVE Friday afternoons, going home and knowing that the next 48 are all about  a baby who may or may not sleep. Ill try to think of it as an amazing party when were up at 3 a.m. 

I Eat a Cupcake- an Ode to Guilt

                It sounds like a teenage girls diary. My first thought was that the second sentence should be Ken wants to study for the algebra test together. Should I? But in this case,  I wasnt worried about Ken, or […]

I Found An Amazing Job

Not for me. I actually love my job, though I have momma guilt every day I leave sweet SL and travel five miles down the road to make not much more than what we pay her babysitter. But 10 years ago, I would have jumped […]

Wrap Up 2013

Everyone does a wrap up blog. It’s important, right? To kind of review where you’ve been going the last year, and figure out how to keep the readers (and yourself) happy. So this is my wrap up. Things we did in 2013: 1. Bought a house. 2. Did major renovations on said house. I promise the pictures are coming later this week. 3. HAD A BABY. The Johnson & Johnson ads aren’t kidding- a baby changes everything. Which is why I can do my year end wrap up at 6 p.m. on New Year’s Eve, because it’s probably going to be just me and Carson Daly (and maybe Matt) tonight. 4. We moved. Massive undertaking. 5. Began to have fantasies in which I slept for 8 hours, got up, ate a hot breakfast at a table, then went to get my nails done. 6. Wondered how I got to exactly this place.
What I went back to, and what I always go back to, are 3 New Year’s Eves that were important to me. The first was New Year’s Eve 2000. It was the first NYE I actually got invited to awesome events and HAD TO TURN DOWN ALL INVITATIONS to spend it at home with my parents instead, because they believed something crazy was going to happen at the turn of the century. I had a really hard time getting over the disappointment. A really hard time- clearly, since i”m still writing about it 14 years later, right?
New Year’s Eve in NYC. The years I spent up there changed my entire 20s, and I am forever grateful. But the first NYE up there was amazing, and I couldn’t believe that a small town Southern Girl was actually hanging out with models, in and out of clubs, dancing, and not going home until first light. Ah-Mazing. Everyone should do it.
The first NYE I spent with my now husband. We went out with his friends (he invites, he plans) and stayed out at clubs most of the night. I drank Champagne out of a Chipotle cup. Seriously. I think that sums it up.
Tonight is the first night I’ve had a reality check about what it means to be celebrating NYE with a baby. We had invitations to go to a couple of friends houses. And we seriously considered it. I had an invite to a Carolina basketball game (it pains me to even write that) But then SL had her six month check up today with FOUR SHOTS IN HER TEENY, TINY LEGS, and that went out the window. And we definitely aren’t messing with her evening routine. So instead, we’re staying in. I just went on my final walk of the year with her, and we looked at the houses all lit up that probably won’t be tomorrow, and I thought about how things have changed in the last 12 months. Which means my “resolutions” have changed. I also read this post from James Clear-
http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/230333 and thought it was amazing. If you haven’t read it, you should. Maybe right now, then come back to the blog.
If I’m focusing on systems instead of goals, I would say that I’m planning on running again starting in January. Maybe a lot. Which would theoretically lead to a couple of races, though I’m not sure if I’m marathon ready quite yet. Those long runs would be a beast while nursing.
I would say I’m planning on writing. This morning I was listening to John Grisham on the Diane Rehm show, and he was talking about how he begins writing his book on January 1st, finishing July 1st. She told him that was impressive, and he brushed it off, saying, “If you write for several hours a day, the pages just sort of pile up” (God, I hope that I”m getting that quote right. And I hope John Grisham reads this. I’m doubtful about both). When I look back over the blog, I can see that I posted most months, but not as consistently as I could have. And my journal sort of fell to pieces- SL’s baby book is a collection of calendar pages from my filofax. Yes. I still own and use a Filofax. I LOVE THEM.
I’m focusing on making our house a home. It’s time to hang something on the wall. Hand me a hammer.
But most importantly, I’m focusing not so much on what SL is doing day in and day out, but enjoying the tiny moments I have with her- rocking her at night, blowing bubbles with her, playing peek a boo or whatever game is her fancy. And trying not to let my focus be on back pain or laundry (there is a lot of both) but on how much love goes into parenting. There is so much hate in the world that is dissipated just by looking into her beautiful face. That’s what I want her to know. That love can win, and if you think it can’t, you should talk to someone with a baby.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!

A Very Dairy (Free) Christmas to You

Dairy free and holidays dont go hand in hand. Actually a dairy free lifestyle is a fascinating creature to me. If you know me, you probably know that Im lactose intolerant naturally- so I dont eat ice cream, or drink milk, and try to keep […]